THE LAST WORDS YOU WANT TO HEAR
Thursday, June 13, 2024
Looking back on my life, certain words have brought me immense joy and left an indelible mark on my heart. On February 6, 1998, standing at attention on the parade field in Parris Island during Marine Corps Basic Training, I heard the unforgettable words: “Graduates of Platoon 3028, today, I am proud to call you Marines, for Marines you are and Marines you always will be!”
Another memorable moment was my college graduation at Cleveland State University in 1996 when I heard, “Graduates of 1996, congratulations on your academic achievements!”
Teresa said the most cherished words on February 26, 2005, during our wedding ceremony at a small chapel in South Korea: “Yes, I do.”
These words have shaped my journey, and their impact will forever resonate with me.
Conversely, some words have left deep scars on my heart. In 1994, after I sent a letter of reconciliation to my father, he responded with, “You’re too stupid to write anything worth reading.” In 2001, my first wife ended our marriage with an email that read, “I want a divorce. I do not love you anymore.” Or when a former school chum wrote in a text, “I do not want to be your friend anymore.”
Words have the power to comfort one’s soul or to be like poison, causing lasting harm. It’s incredible how a simple, genuine compliment can bring joy to one’s life, while a harsh criticism can remain in a person’s mind for years.
However, there are certain words that can shake you to your very core.
Last week, on June 5th, I heard such words from my new oncologist:
“You should start getting your affairs in order.”
The discovery of two more Metastases in my body brought a profound sting, unlike anything I’d experienced. These words forced me to confront my own mortality again (Persian Gulf, 1st Cancer Diagnosis), turning my life’s journey from an open road stretching into the horizon to a short, dark path.
I am angry.
Scared.
How can God take me away now?
How can He take me away from Teresa, my best friend, wife, soulmate, helpmate, and lover? It’s not fair.
But then again, this life isn’t fair.
To be candid... I am tired. I've been battling cancer for ten years, with two years of no evidence, but its relentless presence has been with me since 2017. This time, it feels like it might be my last fight. Some might say, “Alex, fight it like a Marine!” But I can’t anymore. I’m exhausted. Now, I need His strength…comfort…grace…and healing mercies.
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Personal Clinical Update: This week, I started my seventh type of cancer treatment. This time, I’m on Nivolumab and Relatlimab (Opdualag), a combination of a PD-1 inhibitor and an anti-LAG-3 antibody for enhanced efficacy. I'll go in for monthly infusions at Inova Schar Cancer Institute Infusion Loudoun.
Mal...thank you so much for your heartfelt words. Your message deeply moved both Teresa and me. Our time together in VA was truly special, and your friendship has always been a source of strength for us. It's been a long journey, but having friends like you who understand and support us makes it a little easier.
Sharing our stories and experiences has been a way to connect with others and hopefully provide some support and encouragement. It means a lot to hear that you find our efforts inspiring.
Your love, big hugs, and well-wishes are gratefully received. We miss you, too, and cherish the memories we made together. Your offer of help is greatly appreciated, and we will certainly reach out if we need anything.
Sending love and hugs back to you. Thank you again for your kindness and support.
Warm regards,
Alex and Teresa
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 24, 2024 at 01:28 PM
Alex, it is always incredibly difficult to find the right words of love and support to provide some comfort in times like this. I am so glad I got a chance to become friends with you and Teresa during my time in VA. Watching you both walk this path together has been heartwarming and are a testament to individuals committed to each other and to those you serve. Your willingness to share what you have gone through over so many years, and how you have soldiered through those times by dealing with your demons and, at the same time, offering your wisdom and insights through your efforts with CNM and Federal Career Connection (and, I'm sure, many more outlets I'm not even aware of), are models to aspire to. My love and big hugs to you and Teresa. I miss you both and wish you continued strength, wisdom, and peace as you continue your journey together. If there's anything I can do, please reach out.
Posted by: Mallard Owen | Thursday, June 20, 2024 at 01:29 PM
Chris ... thank you so much for your heartfelt words. It means a lot to hear that my journey and reflections have had such an impact. I'm grateful for our shared memories from childhood, and it's wonderful to reconnect, even if it's virtual. Knowing that my experiences have inspired you to make meaningful changes in your life is incredibly humbling. The support and encouragement from friends like you, both old and new, are what keep me going. My love for life and for Teresa is indeed a constant source of strength. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me and for your kind words.
Posted by: Alex | Wednesday, June 19, 2024 at 01:38 PM
Alex
You have opened your soul to the world and have touched so many. Your reach is far beyond what you may know. Thank you for being a childhood friend and an inspiration to me in ways you may not know. Reconnecting (virtually) with you caused me to pivot in my own life. Your strength and fortitude throughout your battle is a testament to the line of expectation you drew for yourself early on. Your passion for life and love for your bride has moved me and is something you will always havei your heart.
You are strong and noble and worthy. Keep going!
Posted by: Chris Miano | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 01:39 PM
Thank you so much, Beverley, for your kind words and unwavering support. Teresa and I are deeply moved by your heartfelt message. Knowing that my journey has had a positive impact on your life gives me strength and comfort. We are grateful for your offer of help and your prayers. God’s grace and the love from friends like you make this path more bearable. Thank you for being there for us.
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 12:18 PM
Thank you, Laura. Your love and support mean the world to me. 💖
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 12:17 PM
Hi Lou,
Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. Your words mean more to me than I can express. It's true, this journey has been long and challenging, but knowing that my experience has strengthened your faith brings me a sense of purpose and peace.
I appreciate your support, prayers, and encouragement. Though it's tough, I continue to lean on my faith and the strength given to me each day. Your friendship and prayers are a great comfort, and I am deeply grateful for your presence in my life.
Let's keep walking this path together, supporting and uplifting one another in faith and hope.
Blessings,
Alex
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 12:16 PM
Koleen, your words touch my heart deeply. Thank you for your unwavering support and prayers. Having friends like you by my side means the world to me during this journey. I draw strength from your kindness and love. I will give you a call soon. Much love to you, my dear friend.
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 12:15 PM
Jeanene
Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Your message means a lot to Teresa and me, especially knowing you've walked a similar path with your husband, Jim. Your prayers and thoughts are deeply appreciated during this time. Take care, my friend. 🧡
Posted by: Alex | Monday, June 17, 2024 at 12:13 PM
Alex I love you and I know when your body becomes tired all you can is pray for God's comfort for you Teresa and your loved ones. I lived it with my husband Jim. I'm sorry that your cancer came back. Know I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Take care my 🧡 friend
Posted by: Jeanene | Friday, June 14, 2024 at 08:22 PM
Hey you, I can’t imagine how tired you are and I cannot imagine facing what you have been facing for 10 years. As far as your father, he’s so wrong everything you write is worth reading. I bet this feels like a defeat although I know you will still fight, and Teresa will help you and all the prayers that you have from your loved ones your friends anyone that knows you. There is so much power and prayer. You are in my constant thoughts and prayers. I’m so sorry you had this news given to you. You are truly one of the most courageous , kindest and strongest people I have ever known in my life and I’ve known you a very long time. I love you, my friend. Please call me when you get a chance.
Posted by: Koleen | Friday, June 14, 2024 at 05:50 PM
Hi Alex - I just read your post. I don’t know what to say. My heart goes out to you. What comforting words can I offer? Can I honestly say I understand how you feel? No, not really. You’ve been fighting the fight for 10 years - a fight I can’t say I’ve fought, too. Yet, you’ve persevered like a true champion. You’ve kept the faith and looked for purpose in all this. If nothing else, your courage and faith have helped others. I know I have often found deeper faith because of you, and for that I will be forever grateful. I admire you, my friend. Even though I cannot fully understand what you must be going through emotionally, spiritually, and physically, I still urge you to continue keeping the faith and fighting. Continue showing us the path to Calvary with same strength and attitude you’ve always exhibited. Maybe God is telling you to get up one more time and He will finish this once and for all, and I pray that finish will be a permanent cure. I’m here, my friend. Always here to talk, listen, and pray.
Posted by: Lou | Friday, June 14, 2024 at 04:52 PM
We love you 💜
Posted by: Laura | Friday, June 14, 2024 at 02:46 PM
Alex this info makes me so sad for you, Teresa and all who know and love you as well as all the people you have touched in your life with your knowledge, spiritual self and persistance in your cancer battle. Understandably you are tired but I know you will face this with God having you in His hands. You helped me so much and gave me strength to face life challenges and I will never forget your support and love. If u need help going to treatments or ANYTHING else you have only to contact me and I will be there.
Posted by: Beverley Boaz | Friday, June 14, 2024 at 11:59 AM