"Have pity on me [Lord] and draw me out of the mire, lest I sink and remain totally submerged" The Imitation of Christ by Thomas à Kempis

If I had to choose which was worse: living a life with permanent cancer inside me or living with the constant struggle between self and human nature, which persistently vies for dominance over virtues? For those who know the unrelenting struggle with one or more of the deadly sins, then you know my answer.

I do not want a long life. Instead, I desire a well-spent life...a life that ends with dying right.

People often look and admire the outward appearance of a man, but do not consider his virtues or character. People freely accept his charity or offerings, although do not consider the sincerity of his hand. People marvel at his industrious hard work; notwithstanding, fail to consider if he's giving equal industry to his family and loved ones. And people are easily swayed by his flattering and quick-witted tongue yet fail to comprehend his true sentiment.

As for me, if it were not by the grace of God (Romans 7:24-25), and through His helping hands, I would surely be living a dishonorable and depraved life.  

My hope and desire today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life is to:

• live a life that is worthy of what Jesus Christ did on the cross by yielding to God, and allowing Him to reshape me into a valuable, useful vessel that retains its imperfections and defects in order to reach others with the same wounds;
• become a well-balanced emotional, relational, and intellectual human being, who is able to meet life’s challenges with a stoic mind and soul;
• love his wife unconditionally, with sincere understanding and compassion, and also works hard and does what is necessary to take care of his wife; is humble toward others, but confident in Christ; of good character, generous, and slow to anger;
• provide my wife a financial bridge for her to live throughout her retirement years, while using God's resources to bless others;
• reach people that others cannot reach, and who are bounded and troubled by their past afflictions and persecutions; showing them with my real life experiences and struggles that they can break away from their torments, and find true healing by having a fulfilling relationship with Jesus Christ;
• live separate from unhealthy family behaviors, while loving each member unconditionally;
• be a published and respected author helping people with emotional and relational wounded hearts;
• grow both in intellect and character by dint of studying and comprehending the highest themes of life, science and humanities; moreover, continuously endeavor to improve intellect, character, and spirit; and
• be a hard-working civil servant, while building and maintaining high standards of integrity, conduct, and concern for the public interest.

I pray that I can become more humble and more subject to God and obtain peace of mind and heart and soul. Then, I will be able to die right.

ajh