A Life's Walk with Cancer

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON “REMISSION” STATUS

"A decrease in or disappearance of signs and symptoms of cancer. In partial remission, some, but not all, signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared. In complete remission, all signs and symptoms of cancer have disappeared, although cancer still may be in the body." -- National Cancer Institute

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"Alex, you are going in the right direction!" is all basically I heard during my follow-up oncology appointment Friday.

With a smile on this face, Dr. Sekwon Jang, a melanoma specialist, indicated the results from my recent Brain MRI and PET/CT scan (conducted on Wednesday this week) showed no impressions of any cancer activity.

This was definitely great news!

When I started my chemo/immunotherapy treatment back in July 2016 (to fight another round against cancer), I was able to complete three infusions out of four scheduled, before the treatment damaged my pituitary gland – moderately enlarging and negatively impacting my endocrine system (the medical term is Ipilimumab-Induced Lymphocytic Hypophysis). Despite the damage to my pituitary gland and endocrine system, I was more worried that the treatment was not sufficient enough to prevent cancer from metastasizing to other areas in my body. However, the positive news indicates that the treatment is indeed working.

And what is more significant about this news…

The results from my previous Brain MRI and PET/CT scan (conducted about four months ago, in September 2016) indicated some metabolic activity near the end of my lower intestine (see the left side of picture). But, as you can see on the right side of the photo…the black mass is no longer there! If it was, in fact, a metastasis of cancer, I conjecture the plausibility that my immune system, along with the help from the chemo/immunotherapy treatment, is eradicating the cancer cells in my body. Conversely, if there was still evidence of metabolic activity within the black mass, my oncologist would have had to order another biopsy to determine if it was benign or not. Either way…I am very relieved that the black mass is gone!

The Brain MRI also indicated that my pituitary gland reverted back to normal size as well. Hopefully, after a follow up with my endocrinologist on Monday, he may cease the medicated treatment to determine my endocrine system’s functional baseline to assess if it’s back to normal.

What does all this mean?

I would like to believe I’m in remission at this time, which possibly means the unlikelihood of another reoccurrence in the near future. So, I am going to enjoy these next six months of freedom until my next Brain MRI and PET/CT scan in July 2017.

ah

 

PET/CT scan results: left side was taken back in September 2016 that showed some metabolic activity near the end of my small intestine and the right was taken on Jan. 25, 2017, which shows no indication of the black mass.

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Interesting fact (at least to me): since November 2013 I have undergone eight Brain MRIs and eight PET scans.

Related blog posts:

• ROUND THREE A CAKEWALK, ALBEIT A FEW BUMPS ON THE ROAD TOWARDS RECOVERY
• EVERY BATTLE COMES WITH ITS OWN SCARS

EMBRACING MY DASH

 

"For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash." -- Linda Ellis

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During the holidays my wife, nephew and I joined kindred souls on Christmas day and enjoyed a heartwarming fellowship, along with a home cooked entrée, paired with other traditional dishes, and even a glass…or two…of vino, which was quite tasteful to the palate.

As with any gathering of family or friends, or even perhaps, on a different occasion, among colleagues or business associates, or possibly with a stranger or passerby, there is bound to be a discourse of a variety of (at least one or two) discussions about all sorts of subjects. This day was no exception. We chitchatted about many types of trivial subjects, ranging from current politics…to the latest skinny on family and friends…to diets that some of us were on; or at least, intending to go on. And in the midst of our conversation, a golden nugget unexpectedly surfaced.

I do not quite remember the context of what we were talking about, but one of the hosts inserted a tangential statement about a poem titled The Dash, by author Linda Ellis, who wrote this in 1996, after reading a letter penned by a dying wife of a fellow coworker. In her letter, the dying woman wrote:

“Regrets? I have a few. Too much worrying about finding the right husband and having children, being on time, being late and so on. It didn’t matter. It all works out and it would have worked out without the worries and the tears. If I would have known then what I know now. But I did and so do you. We’re all going to die. Stop worrying and start loving and living.”

Ellis was moved by the woman’s words and, in fact, those words changed the way she thought about life. This encounter between two strangers – only connected by profound words on a piece of paper – inspired Ellis to write a poem about the Dash found between two dates on a gravestone.

The poem describes the importance of living out our Dash … the only one life we have … and not to excessively concern ourselves with where we might have started out in life: rich or poor, educated or uneducated, two-parent household or one, good health or bad, high social standing or low. Instead, we must realize that we’re all “Captains of our ship,” able to choose how to live life each day. And how we lived our life will be echoed in our eulogy.

As I face another brain MRI and PET scan next Wednesday, instead of wondering if these tests are going to reveal if I am free or not from cancer, I will focus on my Dash and how to spend each day of my life. Admittedly, there are times that I think about the former dash of my past – the mistakes I've made and the people I have hurt. In spite of my past mistakes, I'll strive to push forward and focus on how to live out my Dash, and especially with those I love and care about.

• I think of my wife who is still asleep on this early Saturday morning. How will I show appreciation to her today? What new positive memory can we create together? And how can I make her smile, or even perhaps laugh?
• I think of my family. How can I stay in more contact with them? In what ways can I show them more respect in regards to their hopes and dreams? And how can I be a better listener?
• I think of those who’ve blessed me with their true friendship. How can I spend more time with them in this busy life of ours? And in what ways can I be a better friend?
• I think of those I manage at work. How can I help them grow professionally? Do my actions, decisions and behavior inspire or hinder them? Do they see me as a leader or just a boss who assigns tasks?

One of the many lessons I’ve learned from having cancer, and this may be the primary lesson: it doesn’t matter if I have cancer or not. What matters most is how I live out my Dash with those so dear to me.

Regardless of the results from Wednesday’s tests, I will strive to live out my Dash the best way I can…

"And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like [I’ve] never loved before."

 

ajh

Read the entire poem, The Dash.