I wish there was a special long-term holiday for people fighting cancer. So, when someone tries to call you, they'll get a voice message stating:
"You have reached the phone of Alex Harrington. He is currently away right now fighting cancer. His life's responsibilities of work...home chores...bills...car maintenance...and other everyday errands, etc... etc... etc... have been suspended until he completes his treatment. If this is an emergency, please be patient (no pun intended) and just know that he will get back to you when here turns from treatment." BEEP!
Yep! A long-term cancer holiday would be nice, indeed :-)
But, that's not reality. Despite one would think, cancer does not give you a "get-out-of-life's responsibility" card when you have it. So, you still gotta go to work (or at least telework), do home chores, take care of bills, make sure the car is running properly, and always keep up with those daily errands that seem to be coming from a bottomless chore bucket or something.
For me, however, keeping busy with life and work is a blessing. It's confirmation that I'm still alive.
Living!
Working!
Breathing!
And I cannot complain. So far, the treatment has not severely impacted my life and work activities. I continue to live and work as normal...as one can hopefully expect.
The next infusion is scheduled for this Friday, August 5th, from 1 to 4:00 p.m. One of good friends, Patricia, will be taking me there that day.
On another note...
As I continue to fight against cancer, the one thing that allows me to literally expunge most of my anxious thoughts and fears into a healing narrative, composed of restorative words, is journaling. Through my writing, I hope to find meaning and purpose within the midst of cancer, while at the same time benefiting from its mental medicinal effects; possibly a ‘self-cognitive therapeutic process,’ so to speak. It seems to be helping me quite well, evidenced by the fact that I am completely at peace with my life coexisting with cancer.
I now use two platforms to journal my experiences with cancer. The first one is on CaringBridge.org, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that provides online communications for both care-receivers and care-givers. And I recently built a new blog site called, “A Life's Walk with Cancer.” This blog is intended to give family and friends unencumbered access to my online journal. So now, I plan to provide the same updates on both of the following sites:
Now, if time goes by and you have not seen any new updates, I may be on that long-term cancer vacation. So, just call and leave a message until I return ;-)
One of my favorite childhood comic book heroes was“The Hulk.”
Why?
Because a jolt ofgamma radiationinfused into a timid, socially awkward scientist, Bruce Banner, which then physically turned him into an enormous green beast who smashed anything that stood in his way! Being a small tyke back then, who was bullied quite often by the bigger kids on the playground, it was obvious of why I was fond of the Hulk.
In a sense, I have a Hulk-like transition going on right now within my own immune system. Just like gamma radiation turning a timid, socially awkward scientist into the Hulk, theimmunotherapy treatmentwith Yervoy is turning my weak immune system into a Hulk-like smashing melanoma machine!
This morning, I went to see my oncologist about the palpable swelling near the incision scar on the upper left leg. As the oncologist’s hands felt and inspected the swelling, he commented that the first immunotherapy infusion could possibly be working in and around the area where the tumor was resected.
He surmised that “the swelling could be the reaction of the Yervoy attacking the remaining melanoma cancer cells in the upper left leg.”
I’m like, “Hoorah!”
This is like having ringside seats to the greatest fight in my body. If the swelling…in fact…is due to the immunotherapy treatment attacking the melanoma cancer cells, I hope my whole body swells up then! ;-)
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
With my wife, Teresa, by my side, began my first of four immunotherapy treatments at Inova Melanoma and Skin Cancer Center in Fairfax, Virginia, July 14, 2016. The center is Inova's new multi-specialty melanoma and cutaneous oncology center and a clinical partner of Inova Translational Medicine Institute that conducts genomics research.
My oncologist informed me that there would be adverse side effects caused by the immunotherapy treatment, from minor ones – e.g., stomach pains, skin rashes, blurred vision – to acute side effects, which can lead to death if not addressed right away.
The initial two manifest side effects were quite minor: mouth sores and lethargic energy.
For the mouth sores, a daily mouth rinse with either salt or baking soda usually lessens the pain. And to deal with the sluggish energy, Teresa and I went out for a Saturday morning walk with the hope to invigorate a little life into my step.
Unfortunately, there was third side effect just waiting to throw a wrench into our enjoyable Saturday.
At the grocery store...
After the pleasant morning stroll, we decided to do some grocery shopping. Once we arrived at the grocery store, I grabbed a shopping cart and proceeded to the produce area. As I pushed the cart down the aisle, I looked down and noticed another palpable lump and swelling around the surgical scar on my left leg (the same area where the tumor was resected). As I showed Teresa the lump and swelling, we stared at each other with a dreadful look on each of our faces.
"You want me to take you to the hospital?" she said.
I underwent an ultra sound at the emergency room. The ER doctor then contacted our on-call physician to discuss my situation (one of the benefits of being a cancer patient, you get treated first class;-) Both physicians recommended that I see my oncologist first thing Monday morning. But I did get to go home with a new prescription of antibiotics to hopefully reduce some of the swelling.
Once we arrived home, Teresa emailed my oncologist about the palpable lump and swelling. Soon after, she received an email from him, instructing us to come in first thing Monday morning.
Coping with the first two side effects were easy for me.
Conversely, the third one effectively chipped away my 'chipper' attitude. Thus, around a quarter past eight o’clock yesterday evening, feeling somewhat exasperated by all three side effects that ensued from last week’s immunotherapy treatment, I went to bed without saying "goodnight" to Teresa.
However, I am reminded by the following scripture verses penned by St. James:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
In my heart, I know there resides a universal purpose – a purpose that I must find – in the midst of this cancer treatment; and for that matter, finding meaning in each of these side effects, as well. It is a purpose to either "humble me", "prove me", or to "teach me".
The nugget of meaning that I’ve found in having mouth sores and the difficulty of talking with pain, is that they give me the opportunity to listen more;
The nugget of meaning that I’ve found in having low energy and the difficulty of being energetic, is that it gives me the opportunity to rest more and focus on reading and writing; and
The nugget of meaning that I’ve found in the swelling in my left leg and the difficulty of enjoying outdoor activities, is that it gives me the appreciation that I still have two legs and can walk, because there are many others who have to live their life in a wheel chair.
By journaling these truths above, each one has proven to be a valuable therapeutic nugget for me this morning…far more valuable than the antibiotics given to me yesterday ;-)
For those who are walking along side me in these therapeutic journals, I hope the journey affords you some personal nuggets of meaning and purpose, as well.
In the video below,"Search for Meaning in Life Today with Viktor Frankl", author and Jewish Austrian psychiatrist Victor Frankl, who is one of my personal historic heroes, contends that each human being must find meaning in their life, especially during those difficult times of their life.
Frankl was interned in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. As a longtime prisoner in Nazi's concentration camps, he found himself stripped to naked existence. Sadly, his wife, parents, and brother were killed by the hands of the Nazis in similar concentration camps. However, he held on the truth that all human beings possessed the freedom to choose and how to respond toward life's tragedies.
The photo on the left was taken in 2014 during my first treatment at the infusion center. The one on the right was taken yesterday. This time, I am going to smile at the son-of-a-%!@&* during this fight ;-)
One of my favorite movies growing up was the 1986 action drama "Top Gun", starring Tom Cruise (LT Pete "Maverick" Mitchell) and Anthony Edwards (LTJG Nick "Goose" Bradshaw).
In one of their flying exercises, the following dialogue took place between Maverick, Goose and another pilot:
Goose: It's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied. It's time for the big one.
Iceman: You up for this one, Maverick?
Maverick: Just a walk in the park, Kazansky.
I loved how Maverick retorted back to Iceman with "Just a walk in the park." And when I think about what I'm going through now...in some weird way...it's "just a walk in the park" for me, as well.
Just before I started my first treatment of immunotherapy yesterday, one of the oncology nurses attempted to solace me with comforting words and support, while she took my vitals. I quickly understood her good intentions, but politely said, "I'm pretty much a veteran at this now…just a walk in the park for me."
Keep in mind, I genuinely strive to be good patient and submit to the oncology team's medical instructions with a cheerful demeanor, but there is somewhat of a "this is not my first rodeo show" attitude in me, especially since I've lost count of how many times I had to be hooked up to intravenous machines with IV bags and sterile lines draped across my arm.
Overall, this first of four treatments went quite well. And the entire process only lasted about four hours.
Afterwards, Teresa and I had lunch and then she took me home.
Even though I feel a bit tired and sluggish, overall, I have not noticed any significant side effects yet (I'll take that blessing today!).
Matter of fact, writing a journal on this blog site helps me put all this in perspective. Pausing and writing how I think and feel about having cancer again actually helps me cope with it much better. And writing about it helps me focus on the meaning of all this and how I can use this experience to improve as a human being; more importantly, a chance to show others that we have a choice in how we respond to life's challenges and trials (maybe another blog on that next time).
Even though I’m pretty much a veteran of being a cancer patient, I do know this: By the grace of God, He has kept this from being far worse than it could have been. And for this, I am very grateful for.
So, despite the fact that I have to go through this...just remember...it’s “just a walk in the park” for me ;-)
"Many studies have found that cancer survivors with strong emotional support tend to better adjust to the changes cancer brings to their lives, have a more positive outlook, and often report a better quality of life. Research has shown that people with cancer need support from friends. You can make a big difference in the life of someone with cancer"(American Cancer Society, “How to Be a Friend to Someone With Cancer”, Jan. 2016).
I lost a great friend and mentor last year to pancreatic cancer. However, even though my friend, Ralph Hardy, is no longer here on earth, I still carry our friendship in my heart. Daily, I strive to honor his legacy by living out his words of wisdom and celebrate Ralph's life by passing along the friendship he gave me to others.
One of the major benefits of being an extrovert is that people – especially family, friends and close colleagues – generally give me internal joy and kindred stimulation. In my opinion, there is nothing in this world that can replace beloved family members and good friends sitting at your dinner table, breaking bread, and enjoying wholesome conversation about each other’s lives.
And now…especially now…as I fight against cancer, family and friends have proven to be an integral part of my holistic therapeutic care. Hands down!
I am truly a blessed man. For I have, on many occasions, heard these generous words: “Alex, what can I do for you and Teresa?”
The greatest gift that you can give us is your friendship, prayers and heartfelt encouraging words.
However, there are some who want to do more, and to be right there by my side.
I can still remember during my first bout with cancer in 2013, those who drove me to the Virginia Cancer Infusion Center, and sat with me while chemo pumped into my arm: Bob, Yvette, LaTonya, Chuck, Kim, Ralph, Amy, and others, especially my loving wife, Teresa. For some, I could tell it was uneasy for them to watch me go through the treatment. But they knew by being there, their presence motivated me to fight harder and to endure the difficult treatment.
For those who do want to help, I've created a 'Sign-up' form on Google Drive. Just clickhereor copy the following URL link and paste it into your web browser. Then, fill out the online form to let Teresa know how you’d like to support us.
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