A Life's Walk with Cancer

SAYING THE RIGHT THING TO A CANCER PATIENT

Being told that you have cancer is one of the hardest moments in your life. However, being with a friend and mentor who was just informed that they have cancer is just as difficult to hear.

Moments after being told that my friend has cancer, I instinctively said to him, "I am with you all the way". I knew it was the right statement to say. It was timely. Genuine. Tactful.

During my treatment there were family and friends who uttered such beautiful words to me that not only did their comments uplift my spirits at the right moment, but gave me a new sense of hope. I cherished their loving words, especially the cards and notes that I've received. However, though sincerely innocent with well-intentions, some people have said the weirdest and ill-judged statements, like "The best way to cure cancer is eat cottage cheese."

So, what do you say to a cancer patient an/or survivor?

Here are some of my favorites - some taken from other survivors and some from me:

• "Tell me what's helpful and what's not."
• "Tell me whether you want to be alone or want company."
• "Tell me what to bring and when to leave."
• "What can I do help?"
• "The way you fight cancer inspires me."
• “You will get through this no matter what the end brings.”

The following are some statements you should never use (authored by Jessica Firger, CBS News, November 24, 2014):

• "You're going to be fine."
• "Everything will be fine."
• "I know how you feel."
• "How serious is it?"
• "God doesn't give you more than you can handle."
• "I have a [friend, cousin, grandmother, relative, dog, fish] who survived cancer."
• "My [friend, cousin, grandmother, relative, dog, fish] just died of cancer."

And possibly the best medicine may be to say nothing. Just listen. Be there. Don’t give any empty promises. If you say “I will be there for you,” then be there for them. There is nothing worse for a cancer patient is to hear empty promises.

If you are still not sure what to say, just eat a bowl of cottage cheese. It may not cure cancer, but it sure tastes good with honey and raisins on top.

ajh

THE JOURNEY WILL NEVER END

Being diagnosed with cancer is not a one time event. It changes your whole life. It challenges you to take a new journey.

Some folks have commented, "Alex, you're almost there! Your treatment is near the end."

But where is there? I know my journey will definitely have some great days.

An unknown author once wrote, "You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life."

My journey began on October 30th, 2013, when I felt the lump. Then came the following:

• Receiving the diagnosis that I have cancer
• Preparing for Treatment
• Undergoing surgery, chemotherapy and Interferon injections for nearly a year

But my journey doesn't end after the last injection. I must continue the scans, conduct checks on my left arm for any signs of lymphedema.

And when it comes to survivorship, I become an automatic member of a cadre of survivors whom must define their situation - i.e., cancer survivor, continuous remission, etc.).

Then, my journey takes me to risks and preventions. What foods to eat? What exercises can I do?

Lastly, I will always have to be mindful of metastatic and chronic cancer. In fact, I am preparing my "End-of-Life" and estate file. The last thing that I would want is for my wife to not have an organized file of our most important documents.

So, there is no clear end, but only a beginning. But I am so looking forward to the best days of life.

ajh

THE THIRD PERIOD

During my High School years I participated in scholastic wrestling, a sport that is very similar to collegiate wrestling with some minor differences. I was probably in the best shape of my life.

Each match consisted of three, two-minute periods...six minutes altogether.

The third period was the toughest. My arms and legs felt like rubber. Mouth was dry. Breath heavy. And if the opponent was good, that meant you're going all the way with him, unless of course, one of you pins the other.

For the last week or so, I’ve had a rough going with this treatment (I even lost about three pounds this past weekend). In my naivety, I thought the side effects plateaued to a level where I can live a normal life – a state of idealism that left me facing the realty of the situation.

I can only imagine that it's going to get worse before it finally gets better.

This is my 'Third' period. But instead of the chances of getting pinned to the mat, I am fighting for my life.

ajh

GETTING ITS LAST KICKS IN

My wife excitedly told me yesterday, "You only have 23 injections left!" She has good reason to celebrate since she has been the one who administers the shots.

As for me, I want to be excited about how far we've come, but the treatment - along with all the drug cocktails - keeps me significantly subdued.

The chemo drug, or accurately known as Interferon alfa-2b, is being given to me to help rev up my immune system in order to kill the melanoma cells. Essentially, Interferon is given to prevent the cancer from coming back after surgery.

While the chemo treatment is intended to kill the cancer cells, it also inadvertently goes after the good cells as well. And with that, it causes many negative side effects: short-term memory loss, vertigo and dizziness, 'pins and needles' sensation in both arms, to name just a few. Essentially, the drug is toxic and I receive it at high dosage.

So, when folks say, "Alex, you're look great!"

In my mind I think, "I may look great, but I feel like crap!"

I know that I should be more thankful and fortunate to be alive today. I was very close to receiving palliative care instead of being where I am today. But this darn cancer is making sure it gets its last kicks in before I receive my last injection on January 2, 2015.

ajh

A WIFE'S TEARS

When I married Teresa I was determined to never make her cry. There is nothing better than to see your wife's beautiful smile and laughter...a reflection of a joyous heart.

Even though we strongly prefer to see our wives' smile, husbands who have been married for a while know all too well that it is impossible to prevent a wife's tears from shedding.

I feel the warmth and love of Teresa’s joyful tears. And there are many times I would act out foolishly to just make her laugh.

• Some tears are shed when a wife receives the perfect gift from a husband, like a diamond ring;
• There are some tears that represent so much joy, such as holding a newborn child in her arms; and
• And she will weep when you embrace her in your arms after being away for a very long time.

Conversely, a wife will also shed tears when she grieves over a loved one.

On Friday, October 31st, 2013, just a day after I felt a large lump on my left side, I was laying on a cold table at the hospital, being checked with an ultrasound to determine the size of the lump. As the technician ran the pad over my left side to examine the mass, I looked over at Teresa, who was sitting at the end of the table.

I gave her a reassuring smile.

Her eyes looked as though she had crystals in them.

She was weeping noticeably.

I called to her, but she kept looking at the screen - with a fearful look in her face. Slowly, she turned to me with tears in her eyes. That’s when I knew this was a serious matter for both us.

As a husband, seeing her cry during this situation was the hardest thing to ever witness.

ajh