"Look at a man in the midst of doubt and danger, and you will learn in his hour of adversity what he really is," wrote the Roman philosopher and poet Lucretius. "It is then that true utterances are wrung from the recesses of his breast. The mask is torn off; the reality remains."
Recently, I came across the above quote. Sometimes I wonder if my response to dealing with cancer and treatment would garner the same type of regard. Or do others see a weaker and lesser character in me?
In spite of having only 33 injections left...well, 32 after this evening...I feel quite "whiny" and dejected.
Before being diagnosed with cancer, I didn't give it a second thought. I knew others experienced it. You would hear about this person or that person dying from it. And Hollywood movies involving cancer would put enough fear in you for about five minutes or so. But then you'd go about your life not giving it a second thought.
But now I am one of 'those' individuals battling cancer. I did not desire it. Who does!? It just welcomed itself into my body; not for my benefit, but only to weaken and extirpate me. I could not just ignore it like you can brush off a chatty person who keeps talking, but says nothing. It just showed up, rearing its ugly mass.
My greatest fight.
My greatest test.
However long this treatment has been or the discomfort and pain I've felt, many blessings have kept me in the fighting spirit. My wife loving said this evening, "I am very proud of you in the way you faced this trial."
And it is not just my wife, other family members and friends have said encouraging and supportive words, which kept me fighting on.
While the quote above is a good reminder on how to face struggles, the following verse reminds me that I'm still alive and fighting:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9).
So, even though I am feeling "whiny" and dejected right now, I'm fighting on...and looking good!