"I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling." (1 Corinthians 2:3)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I am not quite sure why I haven't noticed the lump before. On Wednesday evening, October 30, 2013, I was on the couch relaxing and watching something on the television.

I started yawning and stretched out both arms. I felt something tensing up in my left side, under my arm, near the chest. I took my right hand and started feeling the area. There was a lump...size of a tennis ball!

I got up and went into the bathroom, stood in front of the vanity mirror and examined the size of the lump. What I saw caused me significant uneasiness. It was definitely large. I looked at my right side to see if there was a similar lump. Nothing. The lump on the left side was it.

Stepping out of the bathroom and walking into the bedroom, fear replaced uneasiness. I was consumed with numbness - the kind of numbness that grips and immobilizes you.

All I could do was fall to my knees and lean against the bed.

I thought of God and of my wife.

"I am not ready to see you Lord" was my first reflection.

And the second quickly followed, "I cannot bear the thought of Teresa being alone and going through emotional pain, if I die."

Then suddenly, I cried to the Lord for help.

ajh