A Life's Walk with Cancer

4TH ROUND OF INFUSIONS (WEEK 4 OF 52)

 

Today marks the last week (4th Round) of my daily infusions. I must admit, it has been quite a difficult and rough experience. I’m not too sure which was worse: the surgery or the infusions. In either case, I hope and pray the intensive treatment eradicates all the cancer cells within me. I do not want to to go through this again.

3RD ROUND OF INFUSIONS (WEEK 3 OF 52)

Today marks the beginning of the third week of infusions of Interferon. The intense side effects have waned, however, the treatments have significantly reduced my energy. Further, I’ve dropped about 15 pounds, which by the way, I’m not complaining about ;-)

This part of the treatment is halfway complete. After the infusions this month, I should regain most of my strength, and then hopefully get back to life and work, while I undergo 48 weeks of injections.

2ND ROUND BEGINS TODAY

Today marks the beginning of week 2 of my treatment. Counting today, I have 15 infusions left!

FREEDOM TO CRY

 

A colleague from my office visited me yesterday during my infusion. Her visit definitely allowed the time to pass by quickly. But the best part of her visit was something that she said:

"Alex, it doesn't matter what attitude you have or how you handle it as you go through this, but what really matters is that you make it to the end...you finish it...you get better...[we get our Alex back]."

She is absolutely right.

I have been trying to walk this trial in an honorable way...maybe because I know people are reading this journal, or because I do not want to dishonor the Marine Corps. Or quite possibly, I am trying to prove myself to others the same way I've tried with my father.

One thing for certain, I will continue to fight, for I have no other choice - my wife is counting on me...my family is counting on me...my friends are counting on me.

But, I have cancer. And while there will be days I feel strong and brave, surely there will be days that I just want to cry and feel like giving up. I think it's normal.

So, for those who are reading this, I am honored that you choose to follow me on this journey. But don't get disheartened or concerned by what you read. It is just my way of getting through this year-long treatment.

May God bless and protect you and your loved ones today.

ajh

NOT EASILY BROKEN

 

"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12b)

"A man without companions is like the left hand without the right." (Talmud)

I believe that a man who is poor in wealth, but is highly regarded by many is indeed far richer than a man who has everything, however, no one knows his name.

In my fight against cancer, I know for certain that I am not alone. Even though I have to endure the treatments and negative side effects alone physically, I have many companions who are constantly encouraging me on to ruthlessly continue this fight, and if required, they would command...

“PICK UP YOUR RUCK SACK MARINE AND MARCH ON!”

In spite of all the trials and hardships that I’ve had to endure in life, God has blessed me with many hands to help me along life's road, and He has made sure that my cord was not easily broken.

I don’t really know how people see me, or what they see in me. But the truth is they’re partly looking at themselves. What I mean is…I am like a mosaic, a blend of many loving and giving hands that have helped me along life’s road; a product of their selfless generosity and support.

So, in truth, no matter what happens at the end of this fight, I will never be broken – not because by my own strength, but because of the many companions that He has placed in my life. And more importantly, because of His strength (Psalm 55:22), for a good friend recently reminded me (thanks Jack).

ajh

ROUND TWO: CHEMO 2, ALEX 0

 

“This is not so bad”, were my last words before the side effects of Interferon kicked in on Monday.

Then yesterday, I thought “it should be about the same” proved contrary to what was about to come last night. For the first time in our marriage, I cried in pain in front of my wife. It even hurt when I laid down. With a rising fever and trembling body, my wife could only hold me and pray for these side effects to leave me. They would last nearly nine hours before they would allow me to fall asleep.

ajh

A LONELY BATTLE

 

American author and activist Alice Walker once wrote:

"For in the end, freedom is a personal and lonely battle; and one faces down fears of today so that those of tomorrow might be engaged."

I find that the above quote aptly fits to my current battle against cancer. Even though I have my wife's undying, selfless love, along with the support of family and friends, this is the cross that I must carry alone. I do not know why this was given to me, nor should I concern myself with possible reasons; of what I do know, is, in fact, that I must endure this battle through the end.

When it's over, I am sure I will be stronger for those battles of tomorrow that will be engaged.

ajh

CHEMO 1, ALEX 0

 

It is 6 a.m. Tuesday morning, a day after my first chemotherapy treatment. I feel like that I've been hogtied and strapped up to a herd of wild mustangs in the middle of the Mojave Desert. When my wife picked me up, all that I can think of is slipping away into oblivion, hoping the aches and shakes would stop being my bedfellows. I have about five hours of freedom before my next infusion. And my last infusion is on Friday, January 31st. This month may in fact be my penance for all my wrongdoings in life ;-)

WEEK 1 OF 52 (Chemotherapy begins)

 

Starting tomorrow, Monday, Jan. 6, I begin my daily infusions of Interferon Alfa-2b, a form of Chemotherapy treatment that will mobilize my body's immune system to fight cancer.

AND SO IT BEGINS

 

I begin adjuvant therapy next Monday, January 6, to treat my cancer. This will include a month of daily infusions of Interferon, an FDA-approved standard treatment for patients like me with Stage IIIb melanoma. Each infusion will last between 3 to 4 ½ hours, daily.

Then, following the-initial one-month high-dosage treatment, I will have to inject a lower-dosage of Interferon subcutaneously in my thigh or abdomen for an additional 11 months. Altogether, this phase of adjuvant therapy will last about a year or so. And with high hopes and expectations, this type of treatment – immunotherapy – will stop the remaining cancer cells from dividing, while strengthening my immune system to detect and destroy the remaining cancer cells.

In addition, in preparation for my treatment, they will insert a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter) into my right arm’s peripheral vein and advanced until the catheter tip reaches my heart. The drug will be given via the PICC line, and it will remain in me throughout the whole month of January.

All in all, I am ready to get started with this year-long treatment to beat this cancer.

ajh